February 2015

Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters once sang about "February Stars" - I think for the best part of this month I felt like I was seeing stars, and not in a good way - so I'll get the bad stuff out of the way first.
I feel like my work placement has been starting to grate on me a lot more, and it's ever since I got back from my US trip back in January - I've had too many moments where I've been stood in the shop thinking to myself, "Why am I here? I wish I was doing something more worthwhile than this." The feeling that I'm constantly being reminded of "my place" in society by stuff in the news or what some have said, as it were, hasn't helped.
I've been having issues online as well - and I've talked about this before, the whole group situation, feeling like I'm invisible to people, that reared its ugly head again this month, to the point where I was doing my weekly livestreams and pretty much taking it out on everyone who attended those stream, in my own way. I wish I could handle this stuff better than I do, but it's the way I am, and I can't help that.

On the plus side, things are moving along with me and Nicole's immigration process - the first payment to the lawyer has been made, I've posted off my birth certificate, and we're in the process of getting personal statements from ourselves, our friends and family, so the ball is well and truly rolling now. I say this as a plus point, because it's exciting, but at the same time it hasn't truly sunk in for me yet, and I don't believe it will until the day that I actually take that flight over there to start this new life - and it's still both exciting and scaring me in equal measure.

Another thing I've been doing a lot recently is looking back to what I was doing a decade ago - where I was, the music I was listening to, the people I knew, and it's crazy to see how much hasn't changed (still having to go to a jobsearch session once a week, still in my hometown) and how much has changed (technology, my artwork, and of course the fact that I'm engaged). A lot can change in a decade.
Speaking of looking back, me and Nicole celebrated Valentine's Day via Skype, and one of the presents that she sent me was a scrapbook she made herself, containing pictures of us and memories of how we met, places we've been and when we finally declared our love for each other - and it's the sweetest gift anyone's ever made for me, so thank you again, lovely. <3

I'll leave you on that mushy note with my Valentine's Day artwork for this year - and even though I'm glad to see the back of this month on the whole, it wasn't without its good moments.