No more November

I can safely say that I'm glad to see the back of November - and not just because the weather's getting colder. A number of things have been grinding my gears for most of this month.
First, a minor gripe - YouTube. In their infinite wisdom, Google, who own YouTube, decided that in order to be able to see or make comments on videos, every user must have their YouTube account linked to a Google+ account - they're basically forcing everyone to join their poor excuse of a Facebook rip-off, not to mention asking for everyone's real names to keep track of them, and to be able to force-feed unwanted adverts down everyone's throats. I'm not having it, so I refuse to bow to the pressure. However it means I can't make comments or see any comments that make on my videos, though the only plus side of this as that trolls can't make abusive comments either.
So Google Minus, have some sense and return YouTube to how it was, otherwise you will just drive everyone away from it.
I also recently found out that when I joined Blogger (also Google owned), any pictures that I post on here got posted into a Picasa web album, which I never signed up for or wanted, so I'm afraid from now on I won't be posting pictures on this blog anymore - instead I'll link you to them.

On a more important note, this month I've felt like I've been put under more pressure from certain quarters to find a job - I'm still looking, but nothing is happening still, what more do they want me to do, prance up and down the streets in a suit and tie in front of every potential employer like a sheep in wolf's clothes?
I also had a "progress review" at the work programme session I attend every fortnight, and when I mentioned about how I'd like to do something art-related, I got referred to a self-employment specialist, with a view to possibly becoming a self-employed cartoonist...however, after the first meeting with him, all I got from it was that I'd get no startup help, and I'd get taxed to death on my profits. I can see why so many businesses quickly fail now...and I'm not sure I want to go down this route now, but I'm worried that if I turn round and say so, there might be consequences. Why does there always have to be a string attached? 

There's also been stuff of a personal nature I've been worrying about too...but I'm not gonna discuss those here.


There. Rant over. Moving onto the positive stuff now.

I took a trip in the middle of the month to see the Lumiere Festival in Durham - it's an arts festival where all the exhibits are outdoors, and based around light, I first attended it back in 2011, the last time it was held before this year, and while there were some canny awesome exhibits, the event was marred by crowd control issues. This time however, those issues had been addressed, as they had a "ticketed zone" this time, meaning people had to buy a ticket if they wanted to enter the ticketed zone between a certain time; those without a ticket (me included) had to wait until after a certain time before they could go into that area.
There were some good exhibits - the highlights for me were "Keyframes" (rows of stickmen "dancing" across a building through a lit-up routine) and "Aquarium" (in which the red phone box in Durham Market Place got turned into a fish tank) - but on the whole this year's Lumiere seemed to have fewer exhibits than in 2011, and as a result was less memorable, I thought. However, if they hold Lumiere again in 2015, I'll be sure to attend.
If you'd like to see my pics from Lumiere, click right here.

Also on the subject of trips and holidays, there's a couple of things I'm looking forward to next month - I'm planning to take the train down to London to actually see the sights of our fair capital city. I've only ever been to London once to pass through it (my times transitting through Heathrow Airport don't count), so it's about time, really. I'm also hoping to meet up with two friends from deviantART, Dracorum-Order and toonfreak8 (who's visiting the UK from the US this Christmas). I just need to get the train tickets booked...

Secondly, and I may have mentioned this already, but my girlfriend Nicole is also flying over from the US to visit me again, like she did last year - she'll be spending Christmas and New Year with me, and it goes without saying that I can hardly wait for her to be here - so close now. :)

Last but not least, here's some fancy formal artwork I did for FAC-AgentC's recent "Part of the Hive" art jam on DA: "The Not-So Ugly Bug Ball"

And not forgetting...hope all my friends from the US had a good Thanksgiving.

A question

Is it wrong to actually want to be noticed?

I used to be outgoing when I was a bairn - lively, talkative, happy, as most childrean are. But that was when I didn't know better.
As I got older and learned more, and had experiences that brought me down to earth, I quickly learnt that saying what I felt and making my mouth go wasn't the best way - I crawled further into myself, until I became much less talkative and shy, because I was conscious of the consequences of actually speaking up.
Now, when I go into a group of people, I try, despite my shyness, to be able to be part of it...but what usually happens is that I can't find the words to say, and because I'm too quiet, I just get drowned out and ultimately ignored by just about everyone. It's partly my fault, because I'm too much of a chicken to open my mouth and make myself heard...but it's also the fault of those in the group when they choose to do absolutely nothing to include me.
The end result? My frustration slowly builds and builds until I snap, and say, act and do stupid things that I don't mean - but I can't help it, because I feel like I'm being made to feel like I'm not wanted.

This is a problem I've had for a long time...I don't want to be the centre of attention. I don't want to brag about how "I'm so good at this, I'm so good at that", because I don't believe I'm that good at anything, and I'm not that sort of person...but at the same time, I don't want to feel like I'm always the odd one out, the one in the corner at the party while everyone else is enjoying themselves.

I try to be friendly to people, and make them feel wanted and welcome...so when people can't seem to do the same for me, it makes me wonder why I even bother trying.

So is it wrong to actually want to be noticed?